Melissa Wedding

Marriage seperation is not a pleasant feeling.  I know, I have been there.  When Allen decided we were not going to make it, and that we needed to spend some time apart, I was devastated.  First, the visits stopped, then all the talking was communicated by his parents.  I figured a marriage counselor was our only hope.  I had to relay the message that I had made the appointment, through his father.  I was ecstatic when Allen showed up for the counseling.  Although his only ambition was not to work on things, but to argue and fight with me over things.  It seemed all hope was lost.  I waited a few days before I phoned Allen, but to my avail he was actually wanting to see me.  Of course I didn’t waste any time.  Amazingly from that moment on, everything was fine.

Avoiding an argument, is sometimes a key factor in a good marriage: When a relationship is at the point where it needs saving, it doesn’t take much to turn words into an argument or fight.  In Example, misplaced items, or leaving dirty dishes after dinner can be ordinary simple things, but those simple things can lead to an argument or fight.  When attempting to talk your spouse into counseling, whatever you do, do your best to prevent an argument.  Listen to your spouse, and let the anger die down.

What to do to save a marriage when only one wants to save it: Marriage is not perfect, it will never be a total equal division among spouses.  Although there are many ways you can keep a marriage from failing when it is a one sided factor.  If you meet a therapist, be sure to use the advice given.  Apply it to your situation the best way you can.  In me and Allen’s therapy session it was suggested for me to give him a letter that would pledge my love.  The pledge would put us back to a time like when we first met and I was able to tell him how I felt about things.  I told Allen in my pledge I was desperately needing to see him.  This was something that had a major effect.  I had become pregnant, and Allen was sure I had forgotten the love I once felt for him.  These letters I wrote him, put a flame back in our marriage that was desperately needed.

Allow your marriage to receive help: If your marriage is on the rocks, and you seek marriage counseling, be sure to take the advice that is given to you.  A counselor can interpret what they are hearing from one spouse, and interpret and suggest ways to get the other spouse to realize counseling is needed.  Often, changes occur when only one spouse attends counseling.

Allow your spouse some time to ponder what they are feeling and thinking: Often many factors have lead up to a spouse wanting to get divorced.  These can be anywhere from not enough sexual intimacy, bad spending habits on one spouses’ end, other family members becoming involved when they shouldn’t, different ideas on religion, or even how one spouse is trying to raise their children.  Allow your spouse time to ponder all these thoughts they may be having.  Many times after this period, positive decisions arise and good comes from it.  Allen would always become angry with me or maybe annoyed with me, he would become irate over the tiniest of things.  I let him know how I felt about this finally, and he explained the reason was because he felt I was ignoring him most of the time.  Allen felt I spent more time cooking and cleaning than with him.  This was a breakthrough, simply by changing our eating habits and home habits a little, we were able to come to the conclusion that maybe we should just eat out a little more.  This would give us alone time together.

Emotional pain leads to Anger: Emotional pain comes first, then anger follows.  At first we don’t see the emotional pain, it is only when it leads to anger that we see that something is wrong.  It is often a lot easier to fix an emotional problem than it is to fix anger.  It is vital to know your spouse’s emotions and not to step on them.  If couple’s can do this, then there will be

less and less emotional pain and anger in a relationship, which leads to being able to talk to your spouse about certain behaviors.

One way to rekindle the flame in marriage is to plan a vacation for you and your spouse: Many marriage problems arise because there is a lack of excitement that there was when the couple first found each other.  This is because marriage has many responsibilities and promises that must be kept.  When a couple is just dating there are many responsibilities that aren’t there until they get married. Time is not be spent watching the night sky, or making silly faces to each other, or even just erotic talk.  Remember those days are gone, but not forgotten.  Revive them, use them to your advantage, repeat these things in another time and place, and bring back the fire in your marriage.

One man could change history, Honest Abe, Hitler, Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, but domestic life is different, it can be changed

easier than the world.  It can save your marriage, and send it in a new direction that is better for both of you.