Melissa Wedding

These days, more and more singles are finding their perfect mate on the Internet via online dating – and a few unlucky ones are finding their perfect online dating sob story! The Internet is a faceless communications medium in which any person can be anything they claim to be. This makes it easy for the liars to fool their way into your head and into your heart – but it can also make for the beginnings of a very strong relationship. Online dating allows you to get to know each other more deeply than just a casual meeting at a bus stop before committing to a meeting. How do you determine whether you’ve caught a keeper or a throw-me-back?

So think you’ve found a perfect bloke!

You’ve been hanging about in your favourite online dating chat room, and just last week this new guy came in. His nickname is RussellCrowe, which set your heart a-thumping the minute you saw it, and of course you had to talk with him. “You’re not REALLY Russell, are you? No? Do you look like him?” He answers in the negative to both, telling you that he looks better than Crowe, actually. He’s a Sydney barrister, with offices in the CBD. And you’re off and running.

Over the course of a few days you spend ten or twelve hours chatting with him online. You feel like you can tell this man anything, and he seems to be telling you all of the deeper thoughts and feelings he has. How do you know he’s for real? Here are a few ways to find out.

What does he look like?

For starters, always ask for pictures. That is pictures, plural. Why?

A philanderer may have found a generic photograph of some suitable bloke on the web and downloaded it to call his own. It is unlikely that they will have more than one photo to share with you if this is the case. In this modern era of inexpensive digital cameras and high speed connections for uploading images to online dating sites quickly, there is almost no reason for a person not to have three, four, a half-dozen photographs of themselves doing various things, from sitting in their lounge to hoisting a schooner at the hotel and back again. If you’re presented with pictures that were clearly taken all at one sitting, and moreso, if they appear to be professional sorts of images, this should raise a warning bell. If he looks like he’s perfect in the pictures, this too, should raise the alarms. Real people don’t tend to be flawless.

What are his interests?

Does the fellow seem to be interested in everything that you are? Or does he have any interests that you don’t share? If he’s just involved in the things that you mention first, ask him what else he enjoys. An answer of “Oh, you know, this and that! Let’s talk more about YOU!” is really not what you are looking for. A real human being has strong likes and dislikes of his own, and is generally willing to share them, sometimes in too much detail.

Do you have friends in common?

You both live in Sydney or its environs, and you both chat in the Sydney chat room on hook me up your favourite website. It’s an odds on bet that you’ve got at least one or two online dating friends in common, if not in offline life, then online. Talk to your common friends and ask them about this man. Be prepared to be surprised, but hope for a good report.

Is he consistent?

The number of fakers who are caught through simple inconsistencies is amazing. If he tells you on Monday that he’s a big fan of Cold Chisel, but then on Friday he doesn’t recognize the lyrics to “When the War is Over”, you may have a problem there. If he tells you that he’s a big Star Wars fan, but doesn’t know which planet Luke Skywalker was from, you should probably be wary. If, on the other hand, he tells you every detail of Luke’s life, and knows how his face got mangled in real life, he’ll be apples, mate!

Is he willing to let you ring him?

If a guy you meet online is unwilling to give you his home telephone number, this could be a sign that he’s got a reason he doesn’t want calls at home – for example, he’s married or living with somebody. This is not certain, as, for example, some people these days only have mobile phones, and others may be concerned about giving out personal contact information to a total stranger from the Internet. Online dating can be a bit of a challenge for both daters

The show-down!

Of course, nothing will guarantee that this person is everything that they claim to be, except for meeting them in person and really getting to know them. This hold for the world of online dating and chance meetings.

The first few dates should be conducted with some amount of safety precautions, as once again, this is a stranger you are meeting. Just as you wouldn’t want to go off alone with a stranger you’ve just met at a pub, you want to ensure maximum safety with somebody you’ve just met online.

Meet in a well frequented place, for example, under the dome at the QVB.

Bring a friend, and suggest that he bring one as well if you mention this in advance. If you can’t bring a friend for whatever reason, make sure that at least three friends know where you are going and why you are going there. Arrange check-in times to ring them up and let them know that all is well. Also ask them to call you at least once so you can escape if you are on a date with Mr Creepy

Don’t bring a person you’ve just met to your home, nor should you go to theirs. Save that for when you know each other better.

Recap

The simple fact is that most of the people you meet online will be pretty much what they present themselves as, but there’s always one bad apple in every barrel. By checking for consistency, believability, and keeping basic safety in your thoughts without being paranoid, you could end up meeting the person you will marry one day. Anybody who doesn’t feel that expecting these things from a potential date or mate is probably not somebody you want to seriously consider spending much time with, either online or off.

Happy dating!

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